Write to Heal Your Resistance to Connection

I write to heal myself best when I target my healing towards my relationships with others. As a relational being, true healing comes when I can connect as my authentic self with the people I want in my life.

Vulnerability is vital to authentic connection. With the willingness to be vulnerable, I let my guard down enough to be experienced as who I really am, to heal, and to grow in the following ways:

  1. I communicate my wants, needs, convictions, values, and gifts with humility and without apology.

  2. I admit where I have room to heal and grow.

  3. I allow myself to feel ALL my feelings.

  4. I invite others to support me.

  5. I show up to new experiences and challenges.

Yet, I sometimes resist the connection I crave the most because I don’t want to be vulnerable. Like me, most of my clients have learned to associate vulnerability with undesirable qualities, including:

  • Weakness

  • Danger

  • Fear

  • Losing control

  • Guilt

  • Blame

  • Shame


Below, I show how I’ve learned to release these unwanted associations with vulnerability so I can embrace and create authentic connections.  

Write to Heal in Practice: 4 Steps For Authentic Connection  

So I can write to heal my resistance to connection, I take time before, during, and after a writing project to nurture my ability to connect with myself and others.

For instance, I’m at the tail end of writing a series of essays about self-love. I know I need to be vulnerable to build an authentic, healing connection with my audience through these essays. To make this possible, I use the following 4-step process.

  1. Reflect: I pause to journal on where I’m allowing and resisting vulnerability. I may be allowing myself to be vulnerable when it comes to sharing my writing process, but I may resist vulnerability about my relationship with food, my body, and my loved ones.

    Feelings of fear, shame, guilt, and more can surface as I process my resistance. When this happens, I breathe and let these feelings teach me what I need to heal so they can pass and make room for more supportive emotions.

  2. Invite: I invite healing into any areas of resistance. I accept my personal limitations and pray for healing to soften my areas of resistance so I can share the parts of me that can best promote healing and serve my audience.

  3. Recommit: I recommit to my intention for the work at hand. I write or say out loud my intention for writing, soak in the positive feelings it promotes, and honor my commitment to this intention.

  4. Trust: In my journal, I write a vow to trust myself to connect with my audience in an authentic way. Even if I don’t feel fully trusting, I decide to be willing to trust myself so I can embody complete self-trust when I’m ready.

The more I use this process, the more I see the value in showing the light AND shadow of my healing journey. In showing both aspects, I help my readers engage with the full spectrum of their own healing.

Had I only written about my trials or my triumphs, my readers would not see me in an authentic light—nor would they get a true representation of what healing really is.

The root of the word heal is whole. To heal ourselves and promote healing beyond ourselves, we need to reclaim the parts of our experience we’d rather hide. Cultivating our vulnerability is a powerful way to get our whole, healing selves onto the page so we can connect with our audience.